The 5: Chris Maddock’s Top 5 Proper Country Songs About Self Medicating and


From the land of sunkissed beer guts, Stillwater, MN, in the scenic St. Croix Valley, Chris Maddock describes himself as a gorgeous and classically styled stand up comedian, made of solid grapes-47% Comic, 19% Hot Waiter Guy, with the rest amounting to pure Country Music Legend. For 15 years beginning in 2003, Chris “Mad Dog” Maddock hosted the storied Death Comedy Jam, a weekly hub of MPLS comedy and subject of a documentary film, “Death’s Last Stand”. He recorded his first comedy album, Point of Entry, at the legendary Minneapolis rock ganglion First Avenue in the 7th St. Entry, and released it in 2012 on Stand Up! Records. In 2014 Minneapolis weekly organ City Pages named him Stand Up Comic of the Year, and his 2nd record and special was just released in October titled Country Music Legend. In honor of that release which you can purchase now, everywhere, Chris scribed this week’s edition of The 5 featuring his picks for the “Top 5 Proper Country Songs About Self Medicating and Life Crippling Despair, That Crack Me Right Up.”



Endless “Best Country Drinkin’ Songs” lists abound, and they all suck. They feature any ninny-mewled formulary that reminisces of “good ole days” drinking “cold beer” in a “new pair a’ blue jeans”, and it ain’t country. Or music. COLD beer? Wearing Pants? NO LUKE BRYAN! I want Puke Flyin’! It’s like this: Thems that’s raised wholesome should play oboe. 6 strings are for West Virginia dirt kids who huff gas and get reared by the neighbors’ dogs. Country Music comes from souls with SORROW and WOE, not found in the blubberments of such aforementioned registers that advance neck freckled Boob Dicks like Toby Keith, who is literally on record bellyaching a singsong vow NOT to smoke weed with Willy Nelson! Well who hasn’t done THAT, lampshade? Also, I find the sadness hilarious as well as awesome. You may think some stray a bit in style, but they have the important values of a Country Song, in this humble Legend’s opinion.

Signed,

Country Music Legend, Chris “Mad Dog” Maddock

“Trucker Speed” by Fred Eaglesmith

I play country music and do stand up comedy, which might make me the saddest a human can be. But it could be the reason I laugh at the saddest things I can see or imagine. Or maybe I’m loaded. Hopefully you, however, are at least too depressed to get up to disappear the rest of your ol’ lady’s pills she never takes. Because this one takes Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door and drags it into a purgatory of heartache, about a trucker who drives an empty rig back and forth cross country, tortured by a recently found old letter from the one that got away, and daily mixing up the world’s roughest smoothie of uppers and downers, without losing any time pulling over at rest stops. At one point he just starts listing drugs. HILARIOUS! The line “I been so lonesome…



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